Feeling Your Feelings

If you have ever worked with a therapist or interacted with a therapist, it is likely you have heard the statement “feel your feelings.” If you are anything like me when I first heard the statement my first thought was, “What the hell does that mean? I am feeling my feelings.” It was after working with a therapist that I truly understood what feeling your feelings really meant and was able to see the benefits.

Feeling your feelings is challenging for numerous reasons, one of which is the belief that feelings are bad/wrong. Getting caught up in judging the feelings based on how they make us feel is avoiding the feeling.

Feelings provide us with information which is neither good nor bad. Instead of using the good/bad or positive/negative descriptors for feelings try using comfortable and uncomfortable. Feelings are comfortable when needs are being met and uncomfortable when needs are not being met. In order to feel your feelings it is important to remove the judgment and to be curious about the feelings.

To start feeling your feelings you have to:

1. Give yourself some time to actually feel your feeling. When starting out it is gonna take longer than after you get the hang of things. Carve out some time to be intentional about feeling your feelings.

   
   

2. Identify the feeling being experienced. Get a feelings wheel and look at all the feelings to see which one resonates with you in that moment.

   
   

3. Tune into your body. Observe the physical sensations being experienced in your body that coincide with the feeling. Describe what you are feeling (i.e. a knot in your stomach). What is the shape, size, and intensity of the sensation?

   
   

4. Curiously explore the feeling. Focus on you and what is driving the feeling. If the feeling could talk, what would it say? Do not get drawn into what someone else did. This step is all about you exploring where the feeling is coming from for you. While exploring your feelings you may need to express what is coming up to continue to be able to explore, find the best way to do that, journal, record a voice memo or talk to yourself in a mirror, create a dance, play an instrument, or write a song or poem. If you choose to talk to someone about your feelings, use “I” statements. I feel…when…because…i’d like…

   
   

5. Take care of yourself. Ask yourself what you need now to take care of yourself. When you find what it is, take action to meet your needs. Give yourself permission to take care of your needs.

   
   

The process of feeling your feelings will take more time in the beginning. The more you practice it the shorter the process will become. The benefit of sitting with your feelings is being present in your life, having increased compassion and awareness. If support is needed with feeling your feelings then please reach out to me or another licensed professional.